Not long into this whole parenting adventure, I had the realization that, as a mother at home, i am the one primarily responsible for how Cadee develops, at least early in life.  And I intentionally wrote a lowercase "i", because when I start to think about the awesome responsibility I have accepted, I begin to feel a wee bit small and insignificant.  Me?  I'm supposed to raise this baby to be an able, loving, generous, intelligent adult??  Whoa.

Every once in a while, I would find myself somewhat freaking out because I was having an "off" day... too tired and weary from the constant sleep deprivation to feel like I was actively engaging my daughter in ways that would stimulate her development.  I mentioned this to my father and that I felt like I was wasting a precious day for brain growth.  His response was silence and then a quiet, "uhm, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself, Jennifer."

If there's any comfort in this new realm of life as I know it-- besides the ready smile of my daughter, which suggests I must be doing something right-- it's the understanding that I'm not the first to feel this way.  Obviously, I'm not the first parent to feel angst over raising a child.  And then there are Biblical examples.  Jeremiah didn't think he had the stuff to become a prophet.  David felt dejected by God at times, feeling cast into a pit.  Even Jesus, on the night he was arrested and ultimately led to his crucifixion, asked God to take the cup from him.

We've all, at some point of challenge in our lives, felt a wee bit small and insignificant.  We ask of God, "you want me?  Really?  Me?  I'm afraid I'll screw it up.  I don't want to let You down."  And I imagine that our Father's response is not much unlike my dad's comment to me...  "Uhm, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself."  With an added, "I know you can do it.  I've equipped you to do it.  I've picked you to do it."  And, perhaps, most importantly, "I'll be with you all along the way."

And so, we pick up, and we move on, trusting in God's promises and wisdom.

Grace and peace to you as you journey.

Yours in Christ,  

~~Jennifer

9/04/07

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