It's been a while, no??  One of my girlfriends (also a new mom) just sent me an e-mail saying she'd spent some time on my website, and commented that, from her perspective, the "best part" of the site is that the last Musing is from March which, she says, "I'm so glad to see, because if you'd updated it in the last several months, I'd think you were superhuman!"  Ah, an unexpected, yet much needed, statement of grace.  Thank you, Angie.

So, yes, much has transpired since the last Musing, which really is too much for one sitting, so I'll space out my thoughts over the next few entries (whenever I'm able to write them).  But right now, I want to focus on life.  And death.  And life.

Our precious daughter, Carol Deanne (aka Cadee) entered the world on May 1st.  It is simply impossible for me to look at this perfectly formed miniature human who was knit from inside me, and not come to the overwhelming conclusion that life comes from God.  It is a miraculous gift.  I think when we see it in the most petite and youngest of forms, we are struck by the significance of what it means to be created in God's image. To have life.  To breathe.  To have a beating heart.  Eyes that see and ears that hear, and a brain that connects all the dots.  Seeing the life that is Cadee, and seeing life through Cadee as she experiences everything for the first time is really humbling. 

How many times in my life have I just gone through the motions?  Taken for granted my health, my eyesight, my gray matter?  To be able to move about and breathe on my own and verbalize my thoughts.  So many miraculous gifts of God to be thankful for, it makes me wonder how I could ever ask for anything further.  And yet, the offer is there, as we are instructed, "Ask, and it shall be given to you."  What a great and generous and loving God is He who made us!

And, if having a child weren't enough instruction for me...  Five days after Carol's birth, I hemorrhaged as a result of a very rare condition I had developed during pregnancy that had gone unnoticed and undiagnosed.  I had lost a lot of blood during the birth, and ended up bleeding internally for the days following the birth.  On May 6, I lost over 3 liters of blood in a very short amount of time and quite nearly lost my life.  Thanks to an able medical team, the selfless folks who donate blood, and most certainly, the hand of God, I am still around to watch my child grow. 

Again, I question, how many times have I just gone through the motions?  Taken for granted the absolute gift that is life?  Or not thanked God for this gift?  I wonder, does He ever look at me and think, "Tsk, tsk.  I wish she cherished her life more."

So now, I hope to live my life expressing this gratitude for breath, for brains, for blood, for babies, for beating hearts.  Thank you, God, for giving life to me.  What a great and generous and loving God are You!

Grace and peace to you as you journey.

Yours in Christ,  

~~Jennifer

8/03/07

Archives of previous Musings